letting go in autumn

 the seasons have a way of pulling words out of me... life and people do too - t.s

letting go in autumn

I will
no longer wait
for you to
return my love

you
and your quiet
stealing of breath by
moonlight,
your feeble stealing
of day by lying,
will not be
carried into the
new season.

autumn comes and
with its arrival demands
a new leaf. green
gives way to brownorangeyellowred
brittle leaves
aching to fall off their trees.
their time to die is now.
they understand this; but we
do not.

we stand in dying’s way
silently scream as it pulls
what it needs
from us: the ever
receding
light
of truth.
and leaves
in its place, the dull
greyness of only
existing
because we could not let go.

we held on to
yesterday’s joy. held on
in fear of never
knowing joy again,
in fear
we would never
find a new laugh to
paint our faces
the colour of summer
to shade us
the tone of
rain on rooftops.
we don’t know
what music
sounds like any more; we have
forgotten its tone and pitch.
now our walk sings
sombre songs of loss longing and
wistful waiting.
the hunger has returned, perpetual hunger never to be fulfilled.
there is no thirst here…
that too we have forgotten.

I will
no longer wait
for you to
return my love

the autumn
is here
and like those brittle leaves
I ache to
let go


© Toni Stuart – Cape Town, 2009